Embracing the Ugly Duckling
Many of us heard the story of the ugly duckling as children. Perhaps best known through the classic Walt Disney Silly Symphony version, the story features a misfit duckling rejected by all the ducks who make up his presumed family. He can’t do things the same way they can, is socially awkward, and ends up being an outcast. With the passing of time, after wandering through many uncomfortable situations, he begins to grow into his true self and discovers that he is a swan (the most beautiful and noble of birds).
Best selling author Robert Kiyosaki, alludes to this story in his book Retire Young Retire Rich as a lesson in wealth building. He insightfully points out that growing in your capabilities as an investor requires you to go through phases that feels like you embody the ugly duckling. He goes on to argue that one should continually be willing to become the ugly duckling to achieve new levels of expertise.
My first job out of college was a music teaching position at a private school. I remember being interviewed, hired, and a couple days later being shown to my classroom. After orientation week, I sat in my room and puzzled over the schedule which supposedly told me what classes I was to teach when but was full of abbreviations I did not understand. While I was technically qualified having studied music in college, taught lessons for years, and led ensembles, direct experience in the classroom was missing. Unlike some of my fellow university grads I had not completed student teaching or observations in schools. Far worse, I had been educated at home through my entire K-12 experience. While this had prepared me academically, the world of school was foreign to me and almost a cross cultural experience. All the little assumptions and traditions that you know and just do if you’ve been in school ever had to be learn from scratch even while I was supposed to be in charge of the class as a teacher. This was surely an ugly ducking moment.
Seven years later, I had emerged as a swan on the other side of this project. I had learned the rhythms and practices of teaching and was recognized for my creative and innovative methods with students. Now with a growing family and in need of additional income, I made the decision to leave teaching and accept a job in nonprofit fundraising with an aspiration to executive leadership. Again I entered a foreign world. Gone were the well ordered and prepared rhythms of my classroom where I could largely plan and control outcomes. Now I was cold calling, facing budgetary pressures, and managing relationships with donors who were much wealthier than my own friends and family. Again I had returned to be the ugly duckling.
In both of these transitions, I distinctly remember thinking “will I ever get good at this?” It was hard to be uncomfortable and incompetent. While I thought at some point in my career that I would mature out of this delemma, I have found the cycle of the underdeveloped swan continues to come calling when I embrace a growth mindset. Looking back, an ugly duckling cycle has marked almost every meaningful contribution I have been able to make as a leader, professional, father, and community member. My 23 year old self perceived the ugly duckling phase as a mark of incompetence. My 30 year old self perceived it as a necessary inconvenience. Now, I see it as more. Much more.
The ability to grow and expand our capacity is an amazing facet of humanity. As we age this ability often wanes. In a letter published by Harvard Medical School, Dr. Kathryn Papp, neuropsychologist and instructor in neurology explains that previously medical researchers thought that we had a defined number of brain cells that rdid not allow our brains to actively change and grow as we age. More recently, it has been discovered that the brain can and does change particularly by learning and challenging our capacities, exercising, and sleeping. Dr. Papp says "I think it is all about new experiences, which require the brain to do some work because it's encountering something it hasn't experienced be-fore. Turning off automatic pilot for a moment and being mindful and aware of what we are experiencing can get us out of well-trodden grooves and create an opportunity for a new experience.” In short, healthy living and effectiveness at work and in the community can and should go hand and hand and not be in opposition. Enthusiastically entering the ugly duckling cycle can help us make our best contributions. Creativity channeled as innovation toward our common challenges is one of the true gifts we can give through our life and work. Stagnation is the antithesis of this pursuit.
The social problems we are compelled to tackle as business people and nonprofit leaders are complex and difficult. If they were easy, someone else would have already solved them. They demand our very best. If we are to write a legacy of true social impact we cannot afford the luxury of being the competent, beautiful, and complacent swan. We must embrace the ugly duckling at every turn. Our growth and effectiveness depend on or willingness to drop our proficiency, leave our social comfort zone, and become the bumbling newbie again. Sadly, many spend a lifetime avoiding becoming the duckling but we trade vitality and usefulness in the process. What is your next opportunity to leave the security and status you have achieved to increase your impact? Embrace it!
